This Is How a Heart Breaks
by Smallville527
Summary: Her mouth went dry and her big emerald eyes widened as if she'd just seen a ghost... Buffy/X-Men crossover.


Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or X-Men. They belong to their respective owners.

Feedback always appreciated!

Her mouth went dry and her emerald eyes widened as if she'd just seen a ghost. In a way, she most definitely had.

She'd only just been passing by, really. For a very long while that had been the only thing she was concerned with; passing by. Moving on. She never let herself get too comfortable, too accustomed to the luxuries and the simple things in life supplied by letting herself make friends or meet someone special or by settling down.

No. Gotta keep moving. Never stop, keep moving, never stop.

It was a mantra to her, constantly playing in her head. It became such a part of her thoughts that it was always in the background no matter where she was or who she was with or what she was doing. If she forgot for merely one second about this golden rule that kept her in line, she would surely veer off her narrow path, forgetting the consequences of getting too attached for her own good.

Yes, she'd learned that lesson the hard way, and she wasn't planning on traveling that particular road again anytime soon.

There had only been but one person she ever let herself remain attached to. Even though she could never be classified as the innocent she was when she'd made that decision, Buffy wouldn't hesitate to do the same all over again.

_Buffy._ This caused her to chuckle on occasion.

It wasn't a fitting name for her. Not at all.  


For all that she'd been through and seen, this name should really a joke in its entirety. A joke in which a number of people had commented on, and in which she hadn't hesitated for one second to kick their asses in defense.

But it wasn't a joke. Not to her. Not at all.

It was the very thing that saved her from complete insanity. Don't get her wrong, because in all of her experience in that horrible place, she'd surely lost her mind on numerous occasions. But it was he who had provided a lingering imprint in her mind that kept her from going completely over the edge.

_Elizabeth._ Just as the laugh would invoke from the former, she couldn't help the visible flinch from which the name caused.

_Elizabeth._ It was just her name, not some dirty word like it seemed now. In her childhood she would smile at the endearments she received from her family and friends like 'Lizzie' or 'Liz' or 'Lizbeth. But not now. Oh, not now.

The way the word passed their lips mockingly, a wicked smirk set on their faces. It hadn't taken long for her to come to hate the name. They'd made the word sound like filth, tainted it in a way that couldn't be forgotten or erased from her memory. It _was_ filth. _She_ was filth. She believed this unwittingly for such a long time until 'he' had seen her pain and said the thing that would save her.

_No. Don't you even listen to them. How can you possibly believe a word that comes from their hateful mouths?"_

"Please, let's not get into this right-"

"No! You listen to me! You, you are hands down the most amazing and incredible person I have ever met in my entire life. And if you think I will let you go on thinking otherwise, I don't know who you think I am, but you obviously haven't been paying attention."

"But-"

"No." Seeing her eyes water, he enveloped her into his big arms and ran his large hands through her hair before cradling her delicate in them. "No. I love you Buffy. Never, ever_ forget that."_

He didn't know it, but it was then that he had saved her. Oddly enough, it wasn't 

his heartfelt promise that gave her hope. It was what he called her.

Buffy.

No longer did she feel that she was the dirty, horrible person they claimed Elizabeth was. Because she simply was not Elizabeth. She was Buffy. Strong-willed Buffy who wouldn't let some bastards tell her she was worth less than dirt. She repeated this constantly through every minute, of every hour, of every day until she no longer needed to remind herself that she would get through every horribly unbearable torture that the evil, malicious people had forced her to be through.

That was, until the day she didn't see 'him'.

Her best friend, her confidant, the only good thing she'd received in this hell; they'd taken him away. Even though she tried tirelessly to keep hope that she would see him again, it wasn't long before Buffy realized it was fruitless.

All the time that she'd spent making herself strong had slowly, but gradually diminished as she maintained in isolation from anyone but the people she'd grown to despise with a passion for taking away the only person she'd ever let inside while being held in this terrifying place, surely for his death.

It was only much, much later that she'd shown a glimmer of the girl she really was inside.

When she had her chance at escape, if narrowly, she lived her life from then on not with a zest for freedom, but with as little a commotion as possible. Buffy committed no crimes, claimed no occupations or acts in which she could in any way be potentially recognized. The only comfort she allowed herself was a short visit to small, usually seedy bars for a beer where she knew no one could give away her identity.

She never could have expected the sight she saw upon entering the dive.

He had apparently just exited a fighting cage- of which she'd grown extremely familiar with as a big source of easy money when people immediately underestimated her and the reason for this particular place- and polishing off a cheap beer.

Her entire body froze at the familiar face at which she never in her wildest dreams had let herself the hope that he was alive, afraid of the disappointment she would surely receive.  


Her cheeks became wet as her eyes watered, and she was surprised to be able to manage to utter the whisper from her now raspy throat. "Logan..."

He heard her. She knew he heard her.

And even though she knew she shouldn't have anticipated more, Buffy couldn't keep her heart from breaking into a million tiny pieces as her big brother turned his gaze to her with confusion in his eyes.


End file.
